I was told from the beginning of my pregnancy with Ryland about the chances of my child having Down syndrome. I was also told that I might reconsider following through with the pregnancy. I refused the amniocentesis, which would confirm or deny the disability, because unlike many people I had never had a healthy pregnancy and I decided the risk of a miscarriage was too great. I was in love with Ryland from the moment of conception and was ready to have my child in my life God willing, no matter what. I had already wrapped my heart around him and would never let go. I knew the moment I saw my child... I guess I knew well before that inside me somewhere. All I ever cared about was that he was healthy and didn't have the major health risks associated with Down syndrome, specifically in his heart! He was monitored very closely throughout and thus far we have been blessed to have a very healthy and very happy baby boy! (I always knock on wood.) I will defend and protect my wonderful little man throughout his life and the only thing that sends me into a panic is the realization that at my older age of 45 this could become difficult in the future. I have to put myself in check every day and try to live each day as fully as I can for him. It is sometimes more overwhelming than I can describe because I was never a patient person. I was also not really loved as a child by my own family so I sometimes find it difficult to show how much I love anyone, but I get up and face each new day with the hope that I can fulfill my role as his mother just by "winging it" and giving 110% of what I have to him and us!