The National Advocate for People with Down Syndrome Since 1979

National Down Syndrome Society
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Kamdyn
our precious baby
our precious baby
Kamdyn

Kamdyn was born April 27 via C-section. I remember asking over and over again if Kamdyn was ok. At first, no one answered, and I asked again. I know now that they all knew she had Down syndrome. They assured me she was ok. But they didn't mention Down syndrome. During those days in the hospital, and back to the hospital for jaundice, I could not allow myself to believe that it was true. I didn't really do much crying in the hospital, because I had myself convinced that it was a mistake. Then, we were finally home for good. Everything started to sink in. I began to feel like someone had taken my baby and replaced her with a new one. This wasn't what I had dreamed of. All I wanted was to go back to the morning of April 27 when everything was ok, when life was simple. I longed for that day when I was still pregnant and didn't have think about things like Down syndrome. I lay in bed, cried and slept for those two days. My motherly, caretaker instinct was there, but I just couldn't get past the Down syndrome. All I could see was a possible diagnosis, not my baby. Those days were agonizing, full of pain. My heart was broken. At a follow up appointment for the jaundice, the doctor told us that Kamdyn's kareotype was in. "She has Trisomy 21," he said as he placed some tissues on the exam table right in front of me. "But it's not your fault," he said. I cried for the whole 30 minute drive home. But at the same time, it felt like a dark cloud had been lifted. And there is nothing to do but move forward. I started to be able to see a future that could be happy. Maybe this wasn't what I had imagined, but this was the same baby that I had carried inside me for 8 months, whose soft, gentle kicks reminded me that she was there. This was the baby that I wanted so badly. From the moment I knew she was here, I loved her. None of that has changed. Kamdyn was my baby. It was a defining time in my life. My broken heart started to heal. It was broken so that God could fill it in with what was missing and then put it back together. It was now filled with unconditional love. I knew she was mine. And I was in love. I slowly started to realize that things don't have to be what you thought to be perfect. It can be perfect, because you make it perfect. Perfectly full of love, life, hope, and peace. Knowing that all is well.




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Tom Dutterer, United States, MD
5/6/2011 1:44:52 PM
Bet this is your first vote from St. Maartens, V. I.

Nichole Sterner , United States, MD
3/1/2011 5:07:22 PM
Beautiful Story!!

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